BREAKING NEWS: Millions of American people are sitting comfortably in their warm safe homes under cozy Costco blankets sipping craft beer and affordable California wine while the world outside literally crumbles away. Just when you thought it was safe, “FEARBOLA” sweeps the nation, OMG! It makes me want to start yodeling “Ricola” from the top of the Swiss Alps like that one dude did in the commercial, but I guess I’m not the only one.
It’s funny (funny stupid not funny haha) that the same people that are refusing to immunize their children and expose them to diseases that are much more prevalent (i.e. measles) are the same ones hyperventilating about the “outbreak” of this horrible disease in 3 confirmed cases.
First gluten, now this? Get a grip. How did we become a nation of such scaredy cats? We used to be tough, we used to be brave, that used to be us. Now we’re a bunch of big fat crybabies that freak out whenever the big blue screen tells us we should. The world is going to hell in a handbasket, no question – and Americans are leading the way.
I don’t mean to make light of a serious issue. If I got on an airplane and the guy with a fever next to me puked in my hair I’d be freaking out like crazy. But that chances of that happening? Nada. Zilch. Zero (statistically speaking).
So take a deep breath, y’all, and quit playing armchair quarterback for the CDC and the people who are trained in this stuff. Stick to what you know: take a chill pill, get a flu shot, and repeat the Serenity Prayer 10 times. We’d all be a lot better off for it.